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Damned If I Don't, Damned If I Do
Part Three of The Damned Series


PART ELEVEN: 2nd to 5th October 2004

Chapter Twelve: Always Want You More

Of all the things I felt but never really shown
Perhaps the worst is that I ever let you go
I should not ever let you go

As they were climbing down from the carriage, Kennedy came out of the temple to greet them. She was in a hurry, jumping down the steps and jogging over even though she must have been baking in her smart, grey suit in the afternoon sun.

"You can't go in."

"What?" Faith was in instant panic mode before her white sandals had even touched the ground. "Why the hell not?"

Buffy put a hand on her arm to calm her, feeling more suspicious than panicked herself. She narrowed her eyes. "Good question. Why not?"

"There's been a..." Kennedy seemed to be making an attempt to mask whatever it was, but distracted by Mr. Lehane jumping from the carriage to try and take his daughters arm, she ended up just blurting it out anyway. "The sacrifice has a problem with his role in the ceremony. Got loose, gored two Goran's, crapped on the floor and then trotted away in all the confusion."

"Gored?" Buffy asked weakly.

"Sacrifice?" Mr. Lehane asked incredulously.

"Christ," Faith just groaned. "Anyone else think that's a great omen?"

"It's okay. Toni's gone to find the goat, Dawn's mopping up the puddles of blood and Andrew's poopa-scooping the goat doodie..." Kennedy was distracted by Faith's dress now. Buffy snapped her fingers in front of her face and Kennedy jerked her head back up to meet Buffy's eyes. "Priest has given them half an hour to get it together so you guys just have to go 'round the block a few times."

Buffy gave her a look. "You want us to drive four white horses 'round the mountain."

Kennedy smirked. "I'd prefer it if you had six, you know, for the imagery but..."

Faith cut her off. "I'm not coming or going around the mountain! I'll wait here."

Kennedy sighed, realising Faith was too on edge to find the fun right now. "There's an anteroom just inside the main doors. The priest said you can wait in there."

"Okay," Buffy answered for all of them, though she wasn't sure how she was going to take having to wait another thirty minutes before they could get this over with. "We'll do that."

Giles came out onto the top step as they approached the temple and gave them all a broad smile as he made his way down to the courtyard to meet them.

"Hello. I trust Kennedy has filled you in?"

Buffy nodded. "Goran gored by goat. Now there's a headline I've been waiting to see. Is everything else going all right in there?" she checked, fearing the worse.

Xander and Anya's non-wedding had given her what some might consider an unhealthy fear of weddings. Personally, as far as she was concerned, it was perfectly healthy. Case and point, most brides didn't have to dodge goat crap when walking down the aisle.

"Everything's fine," he assured her and then turned his smile to Faith. "And you look lovely, my dear."

Buffy grinned as Faith blushed and ducked her head. "Thanks."

"Are you going to introduce us?" Mr. Lehane asked from behind them.

"Oh, yeah, sorry." Faith stepped aside as she gestured between the two men. "G, this is my Dad, Sean Lehane. Dad, this is Giles, uh, Rupert Giles. He's kinda my boss and kinda, I dunno," she grinned at the Watcher. "Dad of the house back in Cleveland or something."

Giles' smile grew even larger at the playful affection in her voice and he offered his hand. While Mr. Lehane said, "Thought so!" and clocked Giles right on the chin.

It was pure luck that Kennedy was positioned just right to catch Giles under the arms as he fell backwards, barely stopping him from hitting the fancy tiles and messing up his suit. Buffy was shocked by the sudden attack but it didn't slow her down. She spun to Lehane, fist up ready to strike him but Faith was already there, pushing her Dad backwards with no small amount of force.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" she yelled, giving him another shove. "This ain't some bare-knuckle fuckin' boxing ring back in Southie!"

"It's a father's right, Faithy," he defended himself, flexing his knuckles as if the punch had hurt. "That dude took advantage of you, led you astray, gotcha locked up! Maybe you're all pally again now but what kinda dad would I be if I didn't avenge my little girl, huh?"

The uproar that had almost begun fizzled out as simple as that as they all stared at him. He seemed to shrink under their gazes as he straightened out his suit, rumpled from Faith's pushing.

"If I may, I think there has been some misunderstanding," Giles said as Kennedy helped him upright.

"Are you gonna try and tell me you're not the mysterious older boss who she killed some librarian for?" His voice was angry, his eyes confused.

He was probably on some level trying to figure out how his daughter had managed to push him several yards across the courtyard with no apparent effort... in heels!

"I most certainly am saying that."

"Dad! Jeez, you're a freakin' idiot. Giles is the librarian, and I didn't kill him, I murdered a professor; and I did that for Richard Wilkins, not Rupert Giles! Didn't you ever listen to a word I said?"

"Sure I did, Faith, but..." he shrugged. "...there were a lot of names." Voice now full of remorse, he turned back to Giles. "Sorry, guy, I guess I jumped the gun there."

"Perhaps a little," Giles said dryly. "Never mind, no lasting harm done."

He was apparently happy to accept the man's apology but Buffy noticed that he didn't offer to shake hands again.

Kennedy had watched most of this with wide eyes and behind her at the top of the steps a few others, all strangers so presumably Troy's guests, had wandered to the doorway to see the show after having heard the commotion.

As Faith spotted them, she rounded on the steps, her frustration easily turning to anger. "What the hell are you guys gawping at?"

"The blushing Bride," someone sniggered and Buffy had to grab Faith's arm quick to stop her from charging up there and beating the crap out of that someone, and probably anyone who got between them. Thankfully, her expression alone was enough to make all of them decide disappearing back inside the cool temple was a good idea.

"Man, this a freakin' disaster and we ain't even started yet!" Faith yelled at the universe.

"Don't be overdramatic." Buffy squeezed her arm. "So we're having a shaky start; it'd be boring if it all went smoothly, right? And not at all in line with other major Scooby milestone moments. Kennedy, show us the room, please?" She turned to the two men when Mr. Lehane was about to follow them. "Everyone else can wait out here. Give us a little while to chill."

"Thanks, B," Faith murmured as they followed Kennedy up the steps.

"Hey, after that, I need some quiet time just as much as you."

Right inside the big wooden temple doors was another normal-sized door to the left. Kennedy opened it and then let them walk in past her.

"Never a dull moment, huh? I'll come let you know a few minutes before they're ready to start." Kennedy was about to pull the door closed but poked her head back around it at the last minute. "Oh, and Faith?" She gave a low wolf-whistle and grinned.

Shaking her head, Faith finally cracked a smile. "Thanks, Kid."

Then Kennedy's head was gone and the door bumped softly closed, leaving them alone in the private room. Faith went to perch on the edge of a marble table but Buffy wandered around, trying to take her mind off of the wait and what came after it.

There were plenty of statues to look at, big and small, marble, bronze and gold and she spent a while trying to put the names of the more important wedding guests to these beautifully chiselled faces. For instance, the six foot golden bearded dude with the zappy staff in the corner had to be Zeus and the eighteen inch, curly-haired, cherub-faced boy with his peepee showing could only be...

"Oh, God!" She nearly dropped the statuette she'd picked up for a closer look.


Faith looked idly over her shoulder to see what her fuss was about and Buffy turned the figure around so that she could see all of his...detail.

"This is Troy, isn't it?"

"Looks like him, sure." Faith grinned. "Although he's kinda..." She started to stretch her hands apart to emphasise a length.

"Faith! I was referring to the face."

"Oh. My bad."

Buffy smirked at her as she set the statuette back down distastefully. Her Mom and Dad had commissioned a big portrait of her from some artist in LA when she'd been little - her Dad had received custody of it in the divorce - so she could appreciate being immortalised in art, but at least she'd had the decency to keep her clothes on.

She wandered to the other end of the room.

"And here we have the world's smallest swimming pool," she said, head on one side curiously as she referred to the shallow rectangular indent in the floor filled with water. "Fancy a swim?"

Faith looked over her shoulder again. "It's for washing your feet."

"How do you know?"

"I don't, but it's a better guess than yours."

"But why would anyone come in here just to wash their feet?"

"Hell, I dunno, B. Would you just come over here?"

Buffy trailed her fingers around the marble table as she made her way to Faith. She stopped beside her, hand on the table fiddling idly with the hem of the wedding dress as she tried not to fidget all over.

Faith curled an arm around her neck and Buffy tensed, pulling away a little. "Maybe we shouldn't."

"Maybe," Faith agreed softly. "Going to anyway though." She took Buffy's hand, pulling her persuasively closer until Buffy was tucked in close between her knees. "Just need you like this for a minute."

"Okay." Buffy went with it, needing it too. She put her arms loosely around Faith's waist and let their heads lean together. "Who knew it would take you getting married to make you wanna snuggle."

"I'm not snuggling, I'm just..." She took a deep breath.

Buffy quirked an eyebrow. "Inhaling my hair?"

Faith chuckled as she pulled back. "No! Just... Look, I'm tryin' to have another 'moment' here so would ya quit ruining it?"

Buffy smiled. "Sorry. This is just..."

"Yeah, I know." Faith pecked her on the lips. "Feels like we should be splitting a gold medallion between us."

Buffy's brow furrowed but she took a stab. "I think that's for twins separated at birth."

Faith shrugged. "A heart locket then."

"Do you have a heart locket?"

Faith laughed, pulling her even closer. "'Course not. You're supposed to be the one who remembers shit like that."

"Sorry, must have forgotten to put it on the list." She covered Faith's heart with her palm. "Would you have worn it?"

"Would you have worn yours?"

Buffy thought about Toni and took her hand away, resting it on Faith's hip instead. "I'd have wanted to."

"Yeah, mine would have probably sat in a drawer somewhere too."

"We're terrible star-crossed lovers."

"Points for trying." Faith looked at the ceiling for a beat before shrugging as she met her eyes again. "Or not trying, whatever." She paused, her expression softening the longer they looked at each other. "I wanted to try; I just didn't think I should."

Not understanding, Buffy rubbed small circles over her hipbones and simply held her gaze.

"I didn't think we'd ever get to a place where...well, this place. I never thought you could..."

"What?" Buffy asked softly.

"I don't know, love me I guess. I was..." Faith chuckled softly. "...scared. I figured if we got involved for real it'd be great for a little while, you know, while it was all new and exciting and stuff, but then it would all go to hell over something stupid and..."

"And we'd split up?"

"That might have been the best case scenario runnin' through my head. I went off the rails once already 'cause I couldn't have you..."

"That's an understatement."

"Exactly! Wasn't prepared to go there again, Buffy. Not over anything; and I sure as hell had no intention of taking you down with me when I did fuck up. Not after last time."

"You should have had more faith in me. How do you know I wouldn't have been a good influence instead of a bad one? I've been known to keep people on the straight and narrow before, you know?"

Faith opened her mouth to say something, paused, let out a breath and said something else. "You drive me nuts all the time, B. Sometimes it's good nuts, sometimes it's not and furniture gets broken. I couldn't live with the thought of it getting so bad it's not just a few stools that get hurt. Back then, at Christmas, I thought I just needed time, needed to make sure I could handle it, but the more you tried to get with me the more real it got and the more sure I was that I was gonna lose it."

Buffy took a moment to digest Faith's honesty. She wasn't keen on the fact that it implied that she'd pushed Faith away by coming on too strong. She hadn't come on that strong, after all, but she also hadn't really stopped and taken into consideration the reasons why Faith had seemed to have a sudden change of heart. She had taken it as Faith being difficult, trying to punish her for the past, and then there had been the very in her face evidence that Faith had moved on so damn fast.

"And then you met Troy."

"And he's never once made me wanna break a stool. Which doesn't mean I don't have feelings for him, or that we don't have any passion, because we do, but he's never gonna drive me nuts like you do."

"That doesn't make me feel any better, you know."

Faith shrugged. "Not really trying to. Just wanted to be honest with you about it all for once."


"Okay jeez! How's this?"

Faith kissed her, lightly at first, but as Buffy smooshed herself closer, fingers squeezing her hips through the dress -- probably wrinkling it and she should really care more about that than she did -- it turned heavy and exhilarating. Buffy felt like her tongue was dirty dancing helplessly with Faith's as a groan of pleasure rumbled deep in her throat.

Hopefully it would take Toni a long time to catch the sacrifice because she could do this all day. Would anyone really notice if Faith never got around to walking down the aisle? Maybe they could all come back and get married tomorrow. There was no big rush.

Slowly and without thinking about it, her hands slipped down from Faith's hips. She felt the bump of the garter clips and then she could feel the silky stockings covering Faith's thighs under her palms. She groaned again, audibly this time as she rubbed her hands firmly, slowly, up and down, starting from the outside and working in.

Faith pulled her mouth away to breathe and look into her eyes for a moment, but she kissed her again without saying anything, spreading her legs a little wider as Buffy's hands swept up the insides of them.

Buffy closed her eyes as she left the stockings behind and felt the hem of the garter belt tickle the back of her knuckles. She hadn't planned to do this and they probably didn't have time but she honestly couldn't care less if Kennedy caught them. She'd wanted under this dress since the first time she had seen Faith wearing it and she wasn't about to allow her only chance to slip through her fingers because of something that might happen. It wasn't like the younger slayer would march out there and tell Troy what she had seen anyway.

Her own pussy ached as she brushed her fingers over Faith's wedding underwear but she knew she would have to live with it. Her dress was too long for Faith to reciprocate without creasing it and making her look a mess. Plus, there were those long press-on nails she was wearing for the wedding. They could be painful!

Sliding her tongue deep into Faith's mouth, she pulled her satin panties aside with one hand so she could touch beneath with her other. Faith was as wet as she was getting and Buffy took her sweet slippy time seeking out her clit.

Faith allowed her fingertips slide over it a few times before pulling her mouth away again. Her breathing was already erratic. "Not that I want to stop you..."

"Good, don't." Buffy leaned forward to kiss her again.

Laughing, Faith leaned back. "But I can't walk down the aisle looking like I just got fucked." Buffy frowned and Faith tried again. "Made-loved?"

Now Buffy chuckled. "I wasn't frowning because of your beautiful terminology. I just don't want to stop. What if I do it badly so you don't enjoy it too much?"

"Impossible, babe."

Buffy beamed, but said reluctantly, "So I shouldn't keep doing this?"

Faith sucked in a deep breath as Buffy's fingers rubbed firmly over her clit again. "Oh, fuck yeah," she murmured. "...I mean no! Okay, maybe just a few more times," she compromised.

Grinning, Buffy did so, and then, "A few more?"


Buffy kept sliding her fingers up and down, feeling the firming nub of Faith's clit under her middle finger, until Faith's hips were tilting into her hand and her breathing was becoming laboured, watching her bite her lip sexily to try and keep some restraint.

"Okay, you better, uh, no, B, quick, stop before I...quick, before I...."

Buffy did make herself stop, with some difficulty, and waited for Faith's eyes to unglaze. "You okay?"


"Urge to come gone?"

Faith waited a few seconds as if checking before saying, "Yeah."

"Good." Buffy gently dragged her fingers down Faith's slit and then pressed two of them slowly into her.

"Buffy!" Faith leaned back on the table, legs opening wider. "What are you doing?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "What I do best apparently: driving you nuts." She started to thrust her fingers deep into Faith, deliberately slow. "Just tell me when to stop."

"Oh, God, you're trying to kill me!" Faith panted, pulling the hem of her dress up so she could watch Buffy finger her.

"I might actually consider that a happy ending at this point."

"Me too."

She didn't get to keep her fingers buried in Faith for as long as she'd like - forever - before Faith was grunting and slapping at her arm with a litany of "Stop, fuck, stop, fuck, stop, fuck, stop!"

Grinning, Buffy pulled them out. "Make up your mind."

Faith collapsed back, one heel up on the table top, and squirming. She still had hold of her dress and her panties were still pulled to one side and all Buffy had to do was look down to see how wet she'd made Faith. She was literally dripping onto the marble. It was so tempting to lean down and lick her but somehow she managed to think first, narrowly avoiding a make-up disaster.

She watched Faith panting with her eyes closed for a few seconds before running one wet, sticky fingertip ticklishly up alongside one of the garter straps, making Faith wriggle on the table.

"Come on, you might as well just let me finish now."


"Please?" The fingertip made its way upwards, ever so lightly grazing Faith's pussy on the way.

"Touch my clit again, B, and I'll..."

Buffy stopped her finger. "You'll what?"

Faith laughed breathlessly. "What the fuck do you think?"

"I don't know. I think I should touch it and find out."

"Don't you dare."

"Ooh, wrong thing to say, Effie!"

Fifteen seconds later Faith was swearing at her while her hands grasped uselessly at the smooth marble and her hips jerked repeatedly off of the table top. Buffy kept on pressing tight circles over her clit until Faith's orgasm was fading and then she left her sprawled there to get her breath back.

"Where are you going?"

"To wash my hands in the tiny swimming pool. I can't walk down the aisle looking like I just fucked someone, can I?"

Faith chuckled. "Bitch!"

Buffy smiled. When she came back, she took both of Faith's hands and pulled her up into a sitting position again. Her face was still flushed and her breathing fast but otherwise she looked fine.

"Think you're going to be able to walk?" she asked with a smirk.

Faith smirked back as she gingerly adjusted her underwear so it was more comfortable, though probably nothing would make it that comfortable considering how soaked it was.

"I'll get you back for this one day," she vowed, and then that one simple sentence brought them both back to earth. "Or not," she added miserably.

"No. But I'm gonna fantasize that you did a lot," Buffy said as brightly as she could. "If that's any help."

"Not really."


They were back in each others arms now, holding on.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," Buffy promised, her throat feeling tight.

"You too. Buffy...I'm sorry. I was trying so hard not to fuck up that I fucked everything up."

"No." Buffy kissed her on her lips. "No, this isn't...none of this is your fault." It was Troy's! "It just...we both made mistakes and things got away from us and it happened, okay?"

Faith nodded and then kissed her, lips moving delicately over hers as if committing every sensation of their last kiss to memory. At least, that's what Buffy was doing. They were so focused on each other neither of them heard the door open.

Buffy stopped kissing just enough to whisper, "Faith, I'll always love you," against her lips.

"I know. I love you too." Faith pressed their lips together again for another series of tender kisses.

It was a minute later when Buffy heard Toni clearing her throat just inside the doorway. Feeling guilty and cursing Kennedy for not being the one to come and get them, she turned to her girlfriend.


"We were just saying goodbye," Faith added quickly, pushing her back so that she could hop from the table.

Toni nodded solemnly. "We are ready for you both now."

And then she just left, closing the door behind her and leaving Buffy without a clue as to what she was thinking.

"Shit!" Faith didn't look at her as she hurriedly straightened out her dress.

"It's okay. I don't think she's about to go out there and announce that she saw us kissing," Buffy said, exasperated.

Faith gave her a look. "For once I wasn't actually thinking about myself there, B, but thanks for assuming I'm that selfish."

"Well, you can't blame me. You do usually come first to you." They glared at each other until Buffy sighed. "We just can't help ourselves, can we?"

Faith smirked. "Let's just get me down the aisle before we beat the crap out of each other to hide our feelings."

"Hang on." Buffy wiped a smudge of lipstick from the side of Faith's mouth with her fingertip. Surprisingly, that was the only damage to her make-up. "Do I look okay?"

Faith gave her face the once over before nodding. "Exquisite!"

Rolling her eyes, Buffy gave her a push to get her in front, straightening out the back of the short dress for her as they walked to the door. She grabbed her flower posy from where she had left it and followed.

"So you go down first," Faith asked again.

"Yep, and then someone will give you and your Dad the nod when it's time. Don't forget to..."

"Walk slow," Faith finished for her. "One step for two beats. Shit! I can't believe I'm about to do this."

Neither could Buffy. "You'll be fine."

Chapter Thirteen

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Part Eleven Quick-Jump:

Chapter One || Chapter Two || Chapter Three || Chapter Four || Chapter Five || Chapter Six || Chapter Seven Chapter Eight || Chapter Nine || Chapter Ten || Chapter Eleven || Chapter Twelve || Chapter Thirteen

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